Today I was at a social event with my sister (who has two children despite her severe endometriosis) and several other women. My sister mentioned in casual conversation that my husband is going into medicine and should be a pediatrician because he is so good with children. "Oh, so I guess your own will be good practice, eh?" a woman asked me. I smiled and agreed, knowing that this woman had no idea what I was going through and didn't mean the comment to be rude, but inside I suddenly felt like the biggest failure. I felt this overwhelming guilt that I can't give my husband the child he (and I) want so badly. I know logically that I might become pregnant next month or in six months or next year and that I shouldn't feel guilty for what my body is doing, but I couldn't help but feel like the most inadequate woman in the world. Then I thought back to a comment made by my sister a few days ago. I know, like the previous comment, that it was totally innocent in nature, but it still stung:
"Mom mentioned that you might have to take fertility drugs..."
"Not yet, the doctor wants to try a different medication first, but I might need to do that in the future."
"Don't take fertility drugs, you're risk of multiples goes up so much. Besides, no one in our family has ever had to take fertility drugs."
I'm not quite sure what she intended by the comment, but I quickly excused myself from the phone before I broke into tears. I felt like saying, "Thanks for the helpful reminder of how defective I am compared to everyone else!", but I restrained. I just don't think my family understands this right now. I really don't think that they believe that I have a problem. They keep telling me to keep trying naturally and it will happen.
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